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2026 RELEASE #5 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Heidelberg Manifesto: No Expansion Without Representation

Thursday, January 22, 2026 (Zazenhausen, Germany) – The Founder and Chairman of the Unity Party of America takes the opportunity to thank his German hosts for the 5+ distraction-free hours he was gifted this morning to wash and dry his laundry in the proper European manner, as well as to craft all 1,129 words of his long-planned Heidelberg Manifesto, further outlining Unitism. 

“While of course I’m glad we still have peace over the North Atlantic, and that the North Atlantic Treaty Organization is still in one piece,” says United National Committee Chair Bill Hammons, “I should yet again point out what no one else is.

“The President of my country just said, and I quote, ‘After the war, we gave Greenland back to Denmark. How stupid were we to do that?’ I would like all reading those words to stop and ponder their implications. While all who are paying attention should appreciate every effort to maintain our cherished Alliance and steer eyeballs back to Ukraine, even a reported consideration of turning over land for bases, I should point out that remaining in NATO with the US at this point might be akin to being chained to a zombie relative straight out of The Walking Dead. My country is not what it used to be, and Churchill’s warning against feeding a crocodile a Danish and such things still applies in chilly Arctic waters.

“Some might find the new ‘No Expansion Without Representation’ slogan a bit of a head-scratcher, considering what I just said, but it only makes sense for the nations of the world to have a say in their own collective destiny. Forward UP.”

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