Tours United
Guided Tours for Unity’s Donors
Welcome to the Official Home of the Unity Party’s Tours United!
The Unity Party is now offering guided tours in English led by none other than the Unity Party’s founder and chairman Bill Hammons (German-born, but as American as apple pie [see Bad Kreuznach below]).
How it works:
Uniters (and merely the Unity-curious), when you donate to the Unity Party of Germany, you’re entitled to a tour of not just parts of Germany, but parts of the German-speaking world as a whole (Austria, Germany, Luxembourg and Switzerland). Foreigners, including Americans, can donate to the Unity Party of Germany {500 euros anonymously, €1,000 max, and we’ll just say here for the sake of easy math $500/$1,000 USD).
Your first German lesson: note that Austria, Germany and Switzerland are often collectively referred to as the DACH countries, Dach being the German word for roof, Deutschland being the German word for Germany, and Austria and Confoederatio Helvetica being the Latin terms for, well, Austria, and Switzerland. (Yes, quite an awkward acronym, but don’t shoot the messenger, folks.)
$500 USD gets you a day’s worth of a tour (no overnight accomodation included)
but
A $1,000 donation gets you a two-day tour including an overnight stay at a luxury accomodation
All meals and transportation are included, though note that alcoholic drinks are excluded and the default mode of transportation is by rail (we Uniters do what we can to protect the environment, and pretty much any wide spot in the road in Central Europe is also accessible by rail; a van or other independent means of transportation might be hired as appropriate for larger groups, especially if there’s a lot of luggage).
If you’re a non-EU citizen and you’d like a tour of more than one or two days, you can, in addition, donate to the Unity Party of Switzerland. Any additional increment of $500 gets you an additional day, and an anonymous donation of $17,000 to the Unity Party of Switzerland gets you an additional 34 days including 33 overnight stays (yes, this is all perfectly legal, per Swiss law, anonymous donations by foreigners to Swiss political parties included, including the Unity Party of Switzerland). By all means, let us know if you’d like to donate to both the Unity Party of Switzerland and the Unity Party of Germany, and perhaps max out your tour length for $18,000, for a total tour duration of 36 days (including 35 overnight stays)!
(Note that, coming down the pike, are the Unity Party of the Netherlands [no donation limits, with donations over 4,500 euros required to be reported] and the Unity Party of Sweden [donation limits of SEK 24,150 / just over $2,200 USD as of Fall 2024].)
All tours start with a meeting outside baggage claim at Frankfurt Airport, or in front of / in the lobby of a Frankfurt hotel, as appropriate.
Single-day tours cover:
The sights in Frankfurt (Goethe House included)
A traditional German lunch
A train to Bad Kreuznach in the Rhineland (generally an hour-or-so ride southwest of Frankfurt)
The sights in Bad Kreuznach (full disclosure: the Unity Party founder and chairman was born in this wonderfully small, quintessentially German and European city back when his father’s US Army division, the 8th I.D., was headquartered in the town; be sure to ask about his very first memory!): Pauluskirche, Schloss Park, Kauzenburg Castle (ruins), Old Town, Alte Nahebrücke (Old Bridge on the River Nahe), Kleine Venedig (Little Venice), Römerhalle (Roman Hall)
A send-off on the train from the Bad Kreuznach train station (assuming you’re not staying in BK)
In addition, two-day tours cover (note that you’ll need to donate to the Unity Party of Switzerland if you wish your donations above and beyond 500 euros to remain anonymous):
Overnight stay in Bad Kreuznach (most likely in a local hotel with a proper buffet breakfast)
Train/car to Burg Eltz (one of the world’s most famous castles)
Train/car to sights in Trier (with send-off from Trier train station)
And, lastly, a bit of fine print and a bit of background here:
Note that, to adhere to the spirit as well as the letter of German law, these tours must be political in nature, and therefore, if you’ve reserved your tour spot by donating to the Unity Party of Germany, be prepared to talk about Unitism and the Unity Party. If you’re just interested in getting a world-class guided tour from a bush-league celebrity (Bill Hammons is portrayed as the leader what remains of the Free World in a mod of the Hearts of Iron IV video game, and he’ll be reaching out to replace Dan Quayle in Civilization VII) who knows his history better than anyone, it’s preferable that you steer your entire donation to the Unity Party of Switzerland (as mentioned above on this page and elsewhere on this site, the foreign/anonymous donation limits are much, much higher in Switzerland versus Germany and involve much less paperwork).
Also (the background part): Tours United has been launched in late October 2024, partly in response to events surrounding the 2024 election (or, more accurately, anticipated events). As of this typing, it’s clear as day that 2024 will not end well for America, and that many Americans will rightly choose to emigrate abroad (or at least explore the Digital Nomad lifestyle). These tours have such Americans first and foremost in mind, though of course all who have learned to play well with others and respect others’ opinions are more than welcome to donate and get the best possible introduction to the European corner of the world.
We look forward to hearing from and seeing you soon!