“Whoever Hired These…”

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Communications, United National Committee

unitednationalcommittee@gmail.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Chair: Whoever Hired These Idiots Needs Firing

Tuesday, March 25, 2025 (Bad Kreuznach, Germany) – The Chair of the Unity Party of America (https://unitypartyamerica.us) takes a break from adding Members of the European Parliament to the party MailChimp list in anticipation of an open letter urging Europe to help save the world from a bunch of hubristic morons. Everyone in Europe can breathe easy knowing that the app Signal is not involved.

“I need to take a moment from the addition of the Croatian delegation (Zdravo!) to address Signalgate,” says party chair Bill Hammons. “Yet again we have yet more proof that, just like unfettered free speech will sooner or later equate to screaming ‘fire’ in a continental theater crowded with some very evil spirits of the past, unfettered democracy, leaving the most important national decisions in the hands of people who never received a proper civics lesson (thank you, President Bush), will sooner or later descend into mob rule endangering the entire Earth.

“I’m already on the record as having supported the removal of the Man Who Is Now King from all US ballots courtesy Trump v. Anderson, I’ll admit I had second thoughts, but now I only have to admit that I, along with many of my fellow Americans, was right in believing that hiring a moron will only lead to the hiring of more morons. If a prominent journalist was on that chat, it begs the question: ‘Where was Elon?’ I’ve heard that Musk has a habit of firing the bosses of people who give bad presentations, and a presentation that shares Top Secret intel without a prior confirmation in the chat that everyone who’s there should be there is a very, very bad presentation indeed. God bless America and Forward UP.”

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