
Unity Chair Kills Time
Contact:
Communications, United National Committee
unitednationalcommittee@gmail.com
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Unity Chair Kills Time in an Immigration Office
Thursday, March 20, 2025 (Bad Kreuznach, Germany) – The Chair of the United National Committee of the Unity Party of America (https://unitypartyamerica.us) killed time in a German immigration office one sunny European spring afternoon suggesting that the President of France base nuke-capable jets in both Germany and Quebec, a province that happens to be in Canada, which happens to face an existential threat and which also happens to have synched its Daylight Saving Time with the US, presenting the European Union with a wonderful opportunity to show a US government the middle finger to point the way back to the reservation.
“First of all, I’d like to take the opportunity to thank the Federal Republic for this opportunity to kill time on a perfectly sunny day here in the city of my birth,” says Cold War child and Party Chair Bill Hammons. “I’d also like to thank the folks stalking me on LinkedIn over the weekend, and suggest that they’re welcome to join us for one of our Forward Fridays at any time to see what this is all about.
“I’ll just say this: any enemy of Fascism is on the permanent invite list, especially if you happen to have nukes. My German hosts should continue to push for French nuclear-capable jets on German soil. President Macron & Co. are savvy enough to know that, if the Russians are rolling over the North German Plain, they’re next (after the Benelux speed bump), shouldn’t hesitate to go Day After on the Russians to the East, and even Vlad should be able to figure that out. And to counter the new threat from the West, Paris could hang its beret on the fact that the Québécois speak French and base a few of those nuked jets on Hudson Bay.
“One last killer of a suggestion: the entire EU could sync DST (ostensibly) with Canada this November, and also (effectively) with the United States. Let the diplomats speak about global solidarity in the face of American aggression, and let it go unsaid that a syncing of clocks could be one small step for mankind, a message that if ‘artificially drawn lines’ ‘need to go away’ (who’s to argue with a 4-year-old?), it should be on democratic terms. God bless America. Forward UP.”
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