Chairman Begins Relocation

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Communications, United National Committee

unitednationalcommittee@gmail.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Unity Chair Begins His German Relocation Process (Vielleicht)

Wednesday, December 4, 2024 (Bad Kreuznach, Germany) – The Chair of the Unity Party of America (https://unitypartyamerica.us), ready to practice what he’s been preaching, has begun his own private German relocation process.

“I encourage all of my fellow Americans who might have something that the incoming administration wants to enjoy their holidays while not getting complacent,” says United National Committee Chair Bill Hammons. “In January President Trump will show yet a deeper layer of his true colors, not the spotty fake orange tan that would’ve been a disqualifying appearance in an election with a competent opposing party not being kept alive in its zombie state by the ballot access hurdles it helped create. I decided against going into detail regarding my politics with the kind and decent folks at the local immigration office here, but will certainly be going to town promoting ‘Bad Kreuznach Tours,’ my vehicle for a smooth return to the land and city of my birth (supporters of the Unity Parties of Switzerland [https://unitypartyamerica.us/unity-party-switzerland] and Germany [https://unitypartyamerica.us/unity-party-germany] who want to sign up through Tours United will have to pay a bit more, but will have the added benefit of learning more Unitism [https://unitypartyamerica.us/unitism-party-philosophy] and the peace of mind knowing that their fee is a donation to a good cause).

“It’s entirely possible that I could be headed to some place such as Ukraine as early as January (if, by some miracle, it’s peaceful) instead of staying in the EU, but what’s more certain is that, of the four men in that photo on a plane in a definitive Milley Moment that’s done more for McDonald’s than Trump could ever do for Tesla, one obsessive gentleman will clearly show his ongoing interest in the Unity Party name come ‘28 (even after, at least according to Wikipedia, being denied its nomination), one supposedly also wanted to steal it in 2024, and I’m much smarter than Navalny. ‘Rising Smoke’ will be the perfect name for a fresh battlefield tour, Ukraine won’t have an extradition treaty with a Trump America, and now that we’ve avoided Trump’s Civil War, the only smoke rising over DC will be from the dumpster fire that will be his final four years. Forward UP.”

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