Chair Begs Sid Meier

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Communications, United National Committee

unitednationalcommittee@gmail.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Hammons Begs Sid Meier To Replace Dan Quayle

Thursday, December 19, 2024 (Bad Kreuznach, Germany) – The chairman and founder of the twenty-year start-up Unity Party of America (https://unitypartyamerica.us) hereby begs Firaxis Games on his hands and knees, as if he’s an American centibillionaire doing the dirty between sea and lake, to replace Dan Quayle in the venerable Civilization series as of Civ 7.

“I’ll admit that I’ll pretty much do anything, (okay, nothing GOPish), to one-up my appearance as the leader of (what remains of) the Free World in a Hearts of Iron IV mod, and become the official anti-hero of a new generation,” says United National Committee Chair Bill Hammons, with a completely appropriate lack of dignity and pride. “Ignore the fact that I’ve single-handedly petitioned myself and the Unity Party onto multiple ballots in multiple states over the years, have been so successful that all anybody wants to do anymore is call me names even as they (try to) steal my inventions in the broad daylight of the first few drafts of history, and hail from Texas, the greatest (if the only) US state that was once a Republic in its own right, and should therefore also take its own place in Civ 7 come winter.

“Indeed, focus on the fact that I was pressured into running for President again in 2024, this time from overseas and nowhere near a clipboard, much less a ballot box, all while a Second American Civil War raged within the Unity Party once a few so-called ‘Uniters’ thought they could finally show their true colors. I have every confidence that I can qualify as the anti-hero of a nation in a new Gilded Age, gaudy gold on the outside but starting to rot with the stench of ketchup and corruption on the inside. Heck, I’ll allow the fellow Civ fans in the family to speak up, since they know me best, having seen me two days in the last four years.”

“Unfortunately for our purposes here today, Bill knows how to spell ‘potato’,” says Bill’s brother-in-law.

“Dan Quayle? Who’s George Bush?” says Bill’s nephew.

“Oh well, I tried. But enough about the last fifty years of my life. Forward UP.”

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About the Unity Party of America

The Unity Party, dedicated solely to helping humankind find common ground and pragmatic solutions, is an FEC-recognized political party in the United States with a national presence (the Unity Party has 1000s and 1000s of officially-affiliated voters in Colorado alone) and recognition in multiple states around the world. The home of Unitism can be found at unitypartyamerica.us and on social media at https://bsky.app/profile/unityparty.bsky.social, facebook.com/unitypartyofamerica, instagram.com/unitypartyamerica, tiktok.com/@unitypartyamerica, twitter.com/unitypartyus, & youtube.com/@unitypartyamerica.

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